I'm Stuck In A Damn Well - Day 2

Greetings, sportsfans. Bumpers here. Unfortunately for The Showman, it’s been about 35 hours since I fell down Anson Williams’ well, and there hasn’t been much progress made toward getting me out of here and into my favorite chair with a tall glass of Jameson’s. Apparently, before they can start digging, they have to locate the original blueprints of the property to check for power lines, gas lines and that sort of thing. Personally, I think they should start digging away, consequences be damned, but they don’t let me call the shots from way down here.

Like I said yesterday, it’s not all bad down here. I’ve been stuck in a well before, so I pretty much know the drill by now. And the volunteer rescue staff was kind enough to lower down a bottle of Wild Turkey in a bucket. Of course, I polished that baby off in about 10 minutes and I’ve yet to see another bottle. And it’s nearly impossible to light a cigarette with my left arm wedged between two rocks.

The early reports from the surface indicate that they’ll have me out sometime Sunday night. Which is kind of a drag, because I had huge plans for this weekend. I won’t go into details, but I will say that they involved Dyan Cannon, Chevy Chase, Glenn Close, a rental car, three pounds of unsalted butter and a chimp named Boots.

Well, I think I’m going to wrap it up for today. I know you’re probably thinking it’s not fair that it’s such a short column on a Friday, but hey, I’m stuck in a well. So cut me some slack.

I’m winkin’ at ya, and thinkin’ of ya.
The Showman