A Little Help From Your Friend, The Showman

Greetings, sportsfans! Bumpers here. I hope all of you are doing well today, I know I sure am. I watched the big game last night from my hot tub. Well, a young lady and I watched it together to be precise. My spa is outside so I had to have Steve stand by and hold the TV for us, but he did a pretty good job of keeping steady even though I’m sure his arms got pretty tired.

After the blowout we decided to watch the rest of the game. After that ended, I sent Steve inside so the lady and I could have some privacy. The first thing I did when we were alone was turn on some music for us. Now, I usually put my own records on when I want to seal the deal, but I wanted the night to last a little while, so I hit random and relaxed in the tub.

As the evening progressed I was amazed at how little this girl understood. Granted, she’s a young little pepper, but still, I thought she would have been a little more with it. Throughout the evening she kept asking me about different lyrics. At that point I realized that perhaps it takes a singer to understand a singer. And being a stand-up guy I figured I would teach you lovely people a thing or two by explaining some famous lyrics to you and saying whether or not those lyrics are true.

Let me start with The Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra. First of all, let me clear the air. The Showman and the Chairman never saw eye to eye when it came to women. See, Frankie often degrades women by calling them dames or broads, but I’ve always preferred to use phrases like dollface or toots.

Anyhoo, we were listening to "New York, New York" and when the phrase "if you can make it there you’ll make it anywhere" was heard, the little pepper asked me it that’s true. The answer is: true and false. Yes, it is very true that if you make it in New York you can make it anywhere. However, the same is true about making it in Louisville.

"If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with" – CSN. Folks, I don’t agree with the hippies that often, but when it comes to free love I sure as hell do. And those hippies couldn’t have been more right on when they came up with this one. This lyric is very true.

"Shower the people you love with love" – James Taylor. Without getting too risqué, Taylor knows what he’s talking about and I’m a big fan of this move. Very true.

"All in all it’s just another brick in the wall" – Pink Floyd. False. The frustration of being a drugged-out hippie really comes through in these lyrics and I don’t buy it. Damnit, we are more than that – at least the famous people of this world are.

"Every rose has its thorn" – Poison. For once young Bret Michaels actually knew what he was talking about. This is very true; every rose does have its thorn. I know this because of a tryst I had in my garden with a fan some years back. The Mrs. came home earlier than expected so we had to duck under the rose bush and we were cut up to high hell. Of course, that didn’t stop us.

Well, I think that should clear the air a bit for everyone. And don’t ever say The Showman doesn’t do his part, because I think this article is really giving back to the people. I’m not above helping others. And hopefully, if I do enough sweet-talking, the time it took me to write this fine piece will be deducted from all those community service hours I owe the state. Thanks for tuning in.

I’m winkin’ at ya and thinkin’ of ya.
The Showman