Let's Trade That Little Cuban Boy For Some Pitching Prospects

Greetings, sportsfans! Bumpers here. Another day, another column. But at least it’s Friday, so I’m starting to wind down in preparation for my big weekend. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m sure it’ll be grand. I’m also sure it’ll involve some heavy drinking. Then again, most days do.

Just a few quick notes from down here at Augusta. Tiger three-putted for the first time in a while and also scored his first double bogey in a while. When he was done with that, he made a triple on the 12th. I don’t care what these commercials say, no one person can tame golf. On a personal note, I have a tough time golfing myself. Of course, I’m playing with brass balls. Ha! That’s a little Friday humor from your pal Rory.

I’m looking at the top of the leaderboard, and staring back at me is the name Dennis Paulson. The question on most people’s minds is "Who is this guy?" Then again, they said the same thing the first time I was on the Sullivan show. I knocked ‘em dead, and after that they knew me as The Showman.

The Lakers won again Wednesday night. Man, is Shaq good or what? Let’s give that cross-eyed giant the trophy for MVP, declare the Lakers champs and save ourselves some time. I can’t think of a single team in the East that could give the Lakers a game. Maybe the old Fort Wayne Pistons, but it’s been a long time since they’ve taken the court. Which reminds me, what ever happened to short shorts?

In baseball, Pittsburgh’s Francisco Cordova almost threw the season’s first no-no yesterday, but lost it on an Astro double in the eighth. Oh well, maybe next time, kid.

I pick myself up a newspaper about every three days, and it seems like whenever I do, that little Elliott kid is on the front page. I say we send the tot back to Cuba in exchange for a couple of pitching prospects and forget about the whole damn thing. I don’t want to get much into politics on a Friday, but I remember playing some cabanas in Cuba in the ‘50s before the Reds stormed in. They had a beautiful island there once.

So that’s it fans. I’m getting an early start to the weekend. I suggest you do the same.

I’m winkin’ at ya and thinkin’ of ya.
The Showman