Finally, The Finals

Greetings, sportfans! Bumpers here. I hope all of you lovely cats are doing all right. I know I am. So there’s a lot of excitement in the air with the NBA Finals starting tonight. The Indiana State Bird, Larry, will be leading his squad against that hippie Phil Jackson and the Los Angeles Lakers.

I’ll tell you what, the nice thing about the Lakers is that you can always count on stars being at the big games. You look into the stands and you can see Jack, Dustin Hoffman, Denzel, Kato and even Mr. Sutherland. But when the games are in Indiana, they’d be lucky to have Jonathan Silverman sitting in the front row. Good Lord, they have more star power on UPN.

I tell ya, those Pacers must be true professionals, because I don’t know how they are supposed to get up for the games with no stars watching. I would think Reggie would look out at the crowd and say, "What’s the point?" But I guess that’s what makes them pros.

I went to a game at the Staples Center earlier in the year. The suite was catered and as soon as I walked into the place I was handed a plate with prime rib and garlic mashed potatoes! Not exactly the nachos and ball park franks I grew up on. Strange crowd at the Staples too, certainly not a blue collar one. I felt like I was at a private auction.

How about that Kobe O’Bryant I’ve heard so much about. I’ll tell ya what, The Showman knows a thing or two about being that young and having that kind of pressure on you. If you remember, I had to follow Senoir Wences on the Ed Sullivan show – now that’s pressure baby! But I think O’Bryant has what it takes.

I’m sorry, I have to get going folks. It seems The Showman made a bit of a mistake in judgement the other day. See, my neighbor across the way, Tony Danza, has an obnoxious amount of marble at his home. I’m not one to be upstaged, so in a drunken rage I ordered my beautiful lawn to be removed and replaced with marble. I figured that would show him who’s the boss! I had totally forgotten, but when I got back from vacation I saw that my once lush and green lawn was now 14 acres of silver and gold marble. Damn, that booze! And it’s going to cost me a fortune to change it back. And what the hell am I going to do 3 tons of marble?

But don’t worry about poor old me. I’ll just blame it on my assistant, Steve. And if I’m lucky and I stick with the story, maybe over time I’ll come to believe it really was Steve’s fault. I’ve found that’s pretty much the best way to deal with mistakes.

I’m winkin’ at ya and thinkin’ of ya.
The Showman