The Honorable Reverend Socko

Greetings, sportsfans! Bumpers here. Hello, and happy Friday to all of you lovely cats. The Showman has been thinking of you and that should make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Speaking of warm and fuzzy, I’m heading to beautiful Sacramento, California this weekend, the fifth-best city in the Golden State, for a wedding.

One lucky couple not only gets to have The Showman sing at their reception and seat people at the church, they also have the good fortune of having yours truly marry them in holy matrimony. During a late night in the ‘70s I saw an infomercial for a three week class to officially became a reverend. So, the Reverend Rory Bumpers will be the Master of Ceremonies, as well as the headline entertainment at this weekend’s festivities.

Now in the past, I always used ol’ Mr. Socko, excuse me, Reverend Socko, to marry the lucky young couple. Something about weddings and ventriloquism that just goes hand in hand, or so I thought. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that all those times I got out Rev. Socko, the ceremony ended in disaster. Of course, I was usually rather drunk and all those memories are a bit foggy, but the ceremonies went a little something like this:

Showman: "You’re the dummy."
Reverend Socko: "No, you’re the dummy."
Showman: "No, you’re the dummy."
Reverend Socko: "Do you take this dummy…"
Showman: "Hey, Rev. That’s not cool, she’s a beautiful bride."
Reverend Socko: "Okay, do you take this bride to be your dummy?"

You get the idea. The whole thing usually turned into a complete farce, but I learned early and often that you can’t please everyone.

The more I think about it, all of the marriages Reverend Socko has performed have ended in divorce. Let me name a few: Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, Princess Di and Prince Charles (man, the Queen was not happy with Reverend Socko), Madonna and Sean Penn, and of course all the marriages of non-famous people you’ve never heard of.

Well, folks, that’s all for today. Wish me luck at the ceremony. And I hope each and every one of you has a fantastic weekend.

I’m winkin’ at ya and thinkin’ of ya.
The Showman