Holy hell!

I can't decide which is more ridiculous. Athlete wives that do nothing except have fancy lunches, or athlete wives that use their husband's bankrolls to finance an acting career/designing career/cookie baking company.

But I know for a fact that the most ridiculous thing an athlete's wife has ever done is parlaying a quote from Abraham Lincoln into a pitch for ugly denim jackets.

"You are as happy as you decide to be." - Abraham Lincoln
"I have to decided to be happy! As a matter of fact I've gone Jacket Happy!" - Debbie Clemens

By the way, while we're comparing philosophers, Lincoln can claim the Gettysburg Address, the Emancipation Proclamation, the Lincoln-Douglas debates and holding together a fractured young nation. On the other hand, Debbie Clemens glued rhinestones onto an Astros hat. So let's call it a draw for now. And frankly, her triple jumping for joy does in fact indicate that she is quite Jacket Happy.

Now, perhaps you're of a school that thinks affixing patches and other shit to denim jackets and baseball hats takes creativity and a terrific design eye. If so, you probably live in Texas. Or else you're actually Debbie Clemens.

I really wish Houston could've made it to the World Series this year, if only so some sportswriter could've exposed debbieclemens.com as one of our nation's true treasures. Not just for the jackets, but for the sensible life advice. For instance, did you know you can eat whatever you want as long as you work out? I had no idea! At least, not until Debbie told me! And it's a good plan to stick to, just in case Sports Illustrated ever wants you for a photo shoot with your jock husband. Empower yourselves, ladies!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start maximizing my life by hot glue gunning glitter to hockey pucks.